Crush
by Fluffanator
Summary: Going through Duo's head looking at his reflection on Heero and pain that he goes through mentally and that he believes that he could never achieve his love (song fic Garbage Crush) yaoi


Authoress notes: I AM GOD......mmmkay maybe not but I am the Easter bunny. Okay I'm not that either. But still if I was I would be the best freaking Easter bunny in the world. *Rips off shirt like mighty mighty woman* *Patrick Matthew S. and a lot of other creepy guys come to see* Opps maybe that only works for guys. *Cuddles upper body * This fic is a song fic and the song is Crush by Garbage and also.. this fic had yaoi...so if you don't like yaoi ....F*ck You MWHAHAHAHA.......oh yeah forgot to mention DUOS POV and he could be my God anytime *winks at him*  
  
Crush  
  
I would die for you, I would die for you,  
  
I looked through my gundam while watching Heero fight another battle, another battle where he might do some crazy stunt and die. I worry so much to a point I can't bare it. I want to go in front of his gundam and risk my life for Heero. To stop his battling and end it all, for him to have a chance for him to live a normal life with no more battles. I don't care about my life but I wonder out of all the people to crush on HEERO! Out of all the people I could fall for. I have to choose the toughest of the tough.  
  
I've been dying just to feel you by my side,  
  
I just feel a sensation from Heero that screams "Dou I'm waiting for you. Come take me!" I just want to learn what keeps him going and have a serious conversation but instead I have to act like a freaking idiot. But at the end of the conversation I would want to kiss his fragile lips. Feel his tongue against mind and be in a moment like that for what would seem like an eternity with some I finally love. Not like the other times in the cruelty of my past. I finally notice the battle is over and I curse at myself for not paying attention to when it is.  
  
To know that you're mine.  
  
I take my gundam back to the safe house still in a train of thought. Damn it why did I have to remind myself of my dirty past where I was just a fucking slut a fucking degenerate. But I wonder if Heero were mine would things be different? Would he teach me something to tolerate myself? Would I be able to teach him something? I just want to feel him by my side filling my curiosity and love towards him.  
  
I will cry for you, I will cry for you,  
  
I start to feel a twist in my stomach. I enter the safe house after putting my gundam back into hiding. I get a dirty look from Heero for being late and a warm welcome form Quatre. I go back in to my witty mode and greet everyone with a stupid joke here and there, but then return to my room and the worst part about that is that I share it with Heero. I notice that Heero still isn't here yet. I put my head in my arms and I feel the twist in my stomach turn harder. I want to cry but boys don't cry. I squint my eyes harder holding the tears back, and then he enters the room.  
  
I will wash away your pain with all my tears,  
  
I see him and I think back at all the times I wanted to cry for him, but I know he will never love me never in a thousand years. I never did cry though. Why am I getting so worked up about some stupid person I have a crush?! It will never work I should know that out of everyone! I then exit to the bathroom to get away from it all and to let no one see me.  
  
And drown your fear. I will pray for you, I will pray for you  
  
I put on the sink washing my face drowning myself in water, not letting fear get to me. I look at the razor by my side what truly drowns my fear away till next time I'm in fear. It is like a prayer I pray, for someday maybe I could reach my goal of being with Heero or reaching happiness. I roll up my sleeves and look at all the scars it had made forsaking my body. I take the razor hold up against my skin to renew this damned sick way of a prayer I've sent but I force myself not to and throw it against the wall in anger.  
  
I will sell my soul for something pure and true, Someone like you  
  
The anger builds; the slashing is just like selling my soul and not getting what I wanted, but also like a slow process of dying. But if the devil gave me the chance I would take it I got nothing else to loose, my parents and best friend are already dead. I want him so bad it like a drug I can never achieve, but I guess the drug is right I can never achieve it. I hate it! I want to scream but I hold it in, I just take a breath and sigh. I flush the toilet making pretending, and then left the bathroom.  
  
See your face every place that I walk in,  
  
I see his face looking intently at the computer screen not even acknowledging my presence. I want to touch his face but I keep my hands to myself. His face haunts me in a taunting way telling me,"You could never have me." And I know it's the truth so I just try to brush it away before it drives me insane.  
  
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking,  
  
I go to sit down on my bed the on the left side of the room while his is on the right, next to the computer. Typical I think he's on that thing basically 24/7. Then I hear him speak, "Your performance was weak today, what happened?" Yeah, an insult but hey at least it's a conversation that HE'S starting. Enough to light a fire in me and give me some encouragement. I respond with my famous grin that opposes the way I feel, "I guess I got lost in a train of thought and lost contact with the battle, but hey I'm still in one piece he he." He rolls his eyes at my comment and goes back to his all-glorious sanctuary home... his computer.  
  
You will believe in me, And I will never be ignored.  
I want to scream that I love him. I want to kiss him. I him to hear out my feelings and listen to them. I want him to start believing in my as a person he could trust not just some idiot or baka as he puts it. But my courage is nothing at this point I wish I could turn the tables just take him into my arms without getting shot or hurt or the worst then that rejected.  
  
I will burn for you, Feel pain for you,  
  
I feel like the skin where I slash is burning off. I want to tear it off but I had the chance before, maybe I shouldn't abuse myself like that anymore. But I feel like I have no other choice like an addiction, I feel this pain because I want to punish myself for my past and wanting something I could never get. It is like a burning and painful feeling for Heero caused by my own freewill.  
  
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart, and tear it apart.  
  
I feel the twisting pain in my stomach reach up to my chest entering my heart. I feel like my chest is about to explode. I cover my mouth start coughing and coughing, making the pains feel worse. I take my hand away from my mouth and realize I coughed up some blood; I then take my hand and wipe it on my pants. I then clutch my chest turn opposite way from Heero. I want to dig in my nails and take out my heart and I want to scream in pain, but I wont dare. As soon as I get used to the pain I pretend it doesn't even exist when it seems like I'm about to die. I then walk over to Heero's bed to look at what he is doing on the computer.  
  
I will lie for you, Beg and steal for you,  
  
"You have been acting strange like that for a couple of weeks what's wrong?" Heero asks sternly. I reply stupidly with a smile "Nothing I probably just got a cold nothing to worry about, heh well if it is something more we can just steal from the hospital and get stuck and this time you can rescue me."  
  
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see,  
  
I curl up on the bed wrapping my arms around my legs placing my chin on my knees. "I'm not stupid you have been sulking around and don't pretend like I haven't noticed," he says with a tad of anger. I am panic-stricken, have I've been caught? Does he know about the slashing or that I'm in love with him or that I'm' just depressed?  
  
You're just like me.  
  
Then I realize that he's in a way just like me. That he cares about me and worries about me like I do to him. Why else would he notice? "Duo can I get answer, or are you just going to sit there dumbfounded?" Heero asks me more sternly then before. I look into his eyes, into the beautiful cobalt blue color, and I see very little but still there a little worry in his eyes.  
  
Violate all the love that I'm missing,  
I look at him and realize that he's vulnerable and I have a chance now. That it has to be now or never. I respond looking into his eyes, "I have just been dying to do this" I lean over to him, shut my eyes, and take his lips into to mine. A short sudden kiss but enough to feel his tender pink lips against mine.  
  
Throw away all the pain that I'm living,  
  
I see his eyes widen but at this point I don't care, it is too late to turn back to what I just did. I whisper, "I'm sorry," to him. Even though I'm not, I had to at least to will ease my conscience somewhat. He then asks, "What was that for?"  
  
You will believe in me, And I can never be ignored  
  
This time I will not be ignored; he will have to hear me out. Believe in my love. I whisper into his hear, "I wish you more than a friend." I see a stunned look on his face that makes me want to giggle but I don't since this is a serious matter for me. Then I see a glint of glee in his eyes. My heartbeat that was once pounding in my chest eases a little.  
  
I would die for you, I would kill for you, I will steal for you,  
  
Heero then moves over and whispers to my ear, "What if I felt the same way." I want to scream in joy, dance in happiness but I don't because I see Heero actually smile and that is more than I need to celebrate this rejoice of mine. Then I look back at what I did for this, the pain I endure as if I were dying for him, stealing my soul for him. But then I realize that this is just a beginning of a whole new journey for me.  
  
I'd do time for you, I will wait for you, I'd make room for you,  
  
He whispers something that I can't make out. "What did you say Heero?' I ask. He mumbles it a little louder but I still can't make it out. "Heero I can't hear you," I tell him. "I would kiss you right now but I don't know how," Heero then says for I can make it out. After hearing this I go in a giggle fit, but he doesn't seem to think it's very funny. "Ah that's okay Hee-chan," I say with my famous grin this time grinning truthfully. I take him into my arms and take his lips to mine bringing him into a kiss, holding him up against me. My hands weaving against his hair, my tongue caressing his in a long everlasting kiss I never want to end. We end when we can't hold our breaths any longer with gasps to recapture our breath.  
  
I'd sail ships for you, to be close to you, to be a part of you,  
  
He takes his hand to my cheek rubbing his thumb against my cheekbone while getting up to sit next to me on the bed off his sanctuary throne I mean computer chair. We move into another kiss with me dominating moving on top. I feel as if I am becoming one with our bodies entwined and the cutest part is I got to take Heero's first kiss. I go down to his earlobe and start nibbling while Heero's hand is wrapped around in my braid. I slowly move down into his neck taking a breath of his scent. I start kissing his neck and suckling it with the feeling of Heero's hand caressing my back.  
  
'Cause I believe in you, I believe in you, I would die for you.  
  
I kiss a little more but then stop and lean my head against his chest. Heero then gave a little kiss at the top of my head. I smile at him. "Would it be safe to say I love you Hee-chan?" He nods and tell me "Aishteru" I smile at him again this time he smiles back at me and we just stay in that position for hours speaking little conversations till we fall sleep. 


End file.
